Spider's side...

Hey everyone, I normally don't do this but the truth must be known! A good friend of mine told me the story and how twisted the truth has become. My friends name is Spider and he told me about a blind date he had. Somehow, everything went wrong and now his name has been dragged through the mud. Spider asked me to write his side of the story so the truth could be known. The following is a transcript of our conversation.

Hello, my name is Spider. Actually, my screen name is Spider75. I am online a lot and don't get out too often. I am Hispanic, Latino, Chicano, or whatever you want to call it…of Mexican descent. No I am not Mexican, that is a nationality, I am a U.S. citizen. Anyway, I digress; I was saying, "I don't get out too often." To combat my loneliness, I myspace it a lot. I occasionally visit dating websites. I have had friend tell me they had pretty good luck with them so I try them out. I logged on to a new site that promised to hook you up with your fairy tale dreams. So I set up a profile. I made sure to advertise my Hispanic heritage. After a couple of days I logged on again. The warm buzz filled my otherwise quite room. It took a while because my system is pretty old and I have been too lazy to defrag my drive. When I logged on I was surprised to have a handful of "hits."

One of them stuck out over the rest. "Little Miss" was her screen name. She wrote she is the athletic type and loves health food. Her favorite pastimes are picnics under big shady trees and just sitting back. She was the girl for me. Over the course of about a month, we messaged each other and she made my top 4. Eventually, she was my number one friend. She had the most beautiful pictures displayed on her profile. She was always smiling in them. Her golden hair full of curls. When she was eating in the pics, it was always healthy like cottage cheese or celery. I am very camera shy so I don't display my pictures on my profile but it never seemed to bother her. Finally I got a comment from her, "lmirl" (lets meet in real life). I was ecstatic.

We set up a date to meet at the park under a huge mesquite tree. I chose that site because it reminds me of a picture I saw in a nursery rhyme book when I was a kid. It's beautiful, the tree is a giant Mesquite tree. The large limbs wind out so you get a lot of shade. It sits atop of a grassy knoll. A beautiful park bench sits under it. It's one of those old fashioned benches, iron on the sides with hardwood slats for the seat and back. I arrived about 3 hours early and decided to climb the tree to wait for her. I closed my eyes and daydreamed about how our lives would be changed for the better. Daydreams swiftly metamorphosised into real dreams. When I awoke I saw her below me.

She was eating her cottage cheese like I half expected. She looked beautiful in her conservative blue dress. Her curly hair swayed hypnotically in the warm summer breeze. She just sat there eating her curds and whey. I felt I was still dreaming. I just watched her for awhile. I figured that my staring was beginning to get a bit too creepy. So I jumped down and introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Spider", I said with my biggest smile.

She jumped up and spilled her curds and whey all over the ground and on her pretty blue dress. The wind blew her beautiful blond curls to the side of her fragile face. Her full crimson lips contorted into an uncomfortable frown. "Spider, your Mexican!" she said. I argued the semantics and told her I am proud to be an American. She threw her face in her small hands and bawled that her father would never accept me. I told her I didn't care and she shouldn't either. She cried even louder saying that she was too scared because her father would never see me for the man I am. She ran away. In the distance I saw her get into a blue BMW convertible and drive away. I don't know how long I just stood there flabbergasted. I mean, this isn't 1950's Mississippi. We are in the new millennium for Christ's sake!

Desperate, I went home and logged on to myspace. She had already deleted me from her friends list. I called her at home but her father answered and actually tried to contract me to do the landscaping at his summer home. He kept calling me Jose. When I told him who I was and that I had kind of a relationship with his daughter he started screaming at me. He kept saying he had friends with the newspaper and such. He threatened that I would never get another job landscaping again. I told him, "dude, I'm a video game designer!" I don't even think he heard me. Finally, when I realized he couldn't be reasoned with, I hung up on him.

Well, he sure wasn't lying. The next day on CNN and all the local papers, stories were run:

Little Miss Muffet

Sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

When along came a spider

And sat down beside her

And scared Miss Muffet away!


I was outraged and tried to get the papers to print a retraction. I mean they didn't even capitalize my name and I didn't even have a chance to sit down, let alone beside her! Not to mention; I didn't scare her, her bigot father's ideals did! I tried to contact lawyers but Mr. Muffet is just too powerful around here. So I had to take matters into my own hands. If Little Miss reads this I want her to know that I'd like to talk to her and sort this all out. This is just my side of the story. Thank you for taking the time to read it.



The preceding was obviously fictitious. I was bored and decided to have a bit of fun. If you need a moral to the story...just use the ol' there's two sides to every story...lol